It's Better This Way
by jurawks
Summary: Post 2X22. Adam Noshimuri is released from prison and the person he least expected to pick him up was Kono Kalakaua.


A Hawaii Five-0 Fanfiction

**Disclaimer:** Hawaii Five-0 and all the characters do not belong to me. No money is made from this.

**Note:** Post 2X22. Adam Noshimuri is released from prison and the person he least expected to pick him up was Kono Kalakaua.

-x-x-x-

The sun was hot and it felt good on his face. The heavy gates behind him clanged shut and he was a free man again. Not that the past seventy-two hours had any effect on him. It was a mild pest, like a fever that kept you in bed for a day, or two, or three; and when you were finally well enough to get out of the house, the sand beneath your feet felt like heaven.

He plastered a smug grin on his face as he noticed a black car pull up. Strange. He knew that car all too well. He was expecting his lawyer. Not the one that Kono slugged; the new guy. Well, not entirely new to the business but new to him. The car pulled to a stop and he knew without looking, who sat behind the wheel.

Something inside him clenched and his stomach felt hollow. He dug his hands into his pocket, feigned nonchalance and walked towards it. The passenger's side window was down. He peered in, not quite sure what to expect.

"Get in," she said, coldly.

He sighed. This was not going to be easy. She had her business face on. But he accepted the offer and slid into the car. They pulled away, leaving the prison facility far, far behind. They drove in silence. He stole glances at her but she never returned the glances. He counted the minutes. One, two, three... They were dragging on forever. Nine, ten, eleven...

"Alright, stop," he said.

She didn't look at him.

"Stop the car, Kono," he tried again.

She refused to look at him and he saw her jaw tightened, her knuckles turning a little whiter.

"Kono... Please."

This time, she turned and he saw tears in her brown eyes. His stomach twisted and he wanted so much to abandon their safety and kiss her until all the pain disappeared.

"I can't do this, Adam," she choked.

"Do what?" he said quietly.

She pulled the car to a stop and stared out the windscreen. He looked up. He didn't even notice how they'd gotten here. It was an overhanging cliff, looking out at the blue-green ocean and the waves that built and crashed on the shore and the surfboards dotting the foam in their brightest hues. This was her favourite view of the coastline.

"Do what?" he repeated.

"This," she said.

Something primeval roared inside him and he could hear the rushing fury in his ears. "What did they say?" he said, trying to keep his tone level.

"They don't say anything!" she burst out. "That's the problem! It's the look on their faces! It's their eyes and their gestures and the awkward pauses! It's like they don't know how to act around me, almost like I've become alien to them! Do you know how much that hurts, Adam? Do you?"

The tears were falling how and she was trembling; he wasn't sure from anger or hurt. He tried to reach out and hug her but she pushed him away and wheezing, tumbled out of the car. He followed, heart stinging. She fell to the ground and slammed her fist into it, again and again and-

He grasped her fist and pulled her into his arms. She cried into his shoulder. He could feel his shirt turn damp. But he didn't care. She was here now. And it didn't matter that their relationship was a dysfunctional whirlpool; she was here with him, in his arms, and that was all that mattered. She kept repeating, "I can't do this anymore!" and every time, his heart broke a little and he clung on tighter to her. He knew where this was going. He knew she was going to call it off. He knew they couldn't work this out no matter how much they tried. Their worlds were different. And for a brief moment, they clashed and made something out of their impatience and now...look where they were. A disaster.

She was banging her fists against his chest now. It didn't hurt him, not physically, but inside he was in shreds. First, his father's murder at the hands of that filth, Wo Fat, and now the only other person he had in his life was going to leave him. They just weren't made to be together. He had tried. He had lied. But he knew his place and he knew hers.

She quietened. He let her. Until she was finally calm and the tears had ceased and she was leaning into him, very much like the first time they shared a bed.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" she asked.

"What is there to say?" he answered, stroking her head.

She didn't reply. They sat at the edge of the cliff, his arm draped over her shoulder as they watched the flecks of people scattered on the beach. They tried to make small talk but they kept falling into long pauses as though they both knew the inevitable and were both afraid to say it. Finally, as shadows lengthened, he broke the silence.

"Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know," came her reply. "You're the son of a crime boss."

"And you're best friends with the law."

"One of us has to come clean..."

"Or turn dirty," he finished.

She turned, searching his face. He didn't know for what. He thought he saw serenity in her face although her eyes were pained. He wished that their lives had been different, that his life had been different. From day one, she reminded him that he was not his father and that he didn't need to be, that he could still turn things around and try to clean up the family business. He tried, of course, until he realised that it would never happen. Then, he lied. And she believed him. It was a horrible feeling. He was a liar. Had always been one, will always be. Was it a surprise that they would never work out? Was it a surprise that the Five-0 task force would never trust him?

She sighed and got to her feet, he followed suit.

"So where do we go from here?" he asked again.

"Adam..." she paused, uncertain. "You could still-"

"Don't," he cut in, a little more forceful than he liked and he could see the surprise flit across her face. But he was angry now and he didn't want to see her face again. The next time he did, he wasn't sure what he'd do. Break it? Kiss her and beg for forgiveness? Too many questions, too many emotions. He wasn't brought up that way.

"I know what you want, Kono."

"It's not what I want-"

"No, it's what _they _want. And _they _matter more to you than I do."

"Adam-"

"It's true! You know it."

"What do you want me to do? Live double lives?" she snapped.

He took one long look at her and he felt that emptiness again. There were some things that had to be done. They could never work out. They were never supposed to. And this? This was the grave they'd dug for themselves. "Lose my face, lose my number," he said gently, "It's better this way."

He walked past her, heading down the path to the beach. Her fingers brushed his arm but he refused to respond. He turned the bend, wanting so badly to take one last look, but he couldn't bring himself to. He knew that if he did, he might take back all his words and try again and get them into deeper trouble. It was better this way.

It was better this way.


End file.
